1. Change is in the air, and will be waiting for you whether you’re wearing a gas mask or sealed yourself in a bubble. Breathe it in, people.

2. Hello I’m Mark, it’s nice to meet you, but I shall be taking the last aisle seat of the two-seaters on this car. Eat my drone dust, suckers.

3. 50 year old women shouldn’t be wearing makeup like a teenager. This must be the universe’s balance for toddlers using their mom’s makeup.

4. Everyone wants to be whatever they aren’t. For example, I wish I was a wealthy female CEO with 5 kids who loves cliches. Okay, theory wrong.

5. Disney buying Marvel makes my old comic collection suddenly feel like someone poured a glass of 50 year old scotch into a neon sippy cup.

6. Somfucius say: man who is content to stand still in life is already dead. In fact, he’s a zombie. Aaaagh! Run for your life, grasshopper!!!!

7. It’s best not to have affections for too many things. Concentrate your love into convenient bite size nuggets and you won’t feel so bloated.

8. Apparently I had a bowl of philosophy flakes this morning. I guess introspection is better than the desire to attack & destroy. Okay, no.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the opportunity I just caught with my chopsticks and it… Hey! Come back here you little bastardo!

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. A Lucky Monday begins by arriving to the platform just as the train arrives but somehow getting the last aisle seat in the car.

2. My wife was away all weekend, and I had to scramble through the house this morning to clean up all the fallout debris and wartime aftermath.

3. I had no idea that a trio of exotic dancers, an alternative jazz band, and an autopsy team could leave such a mess behind.

4. I can’t believe that tomorrow is September already. I didn’t even get a chance to give my yearly lobsteresque sunburn a refresher.

5. I didn’t get a chance to paint all weekend. Therefore, I was forced to beat up a group of door-to-door solicitors to balance the equation.

6. Upon second look, I think the solicitors may have been a traveling band of Kenny G impersonators. Not that it matters much. I’m just saying.

7. Batman: Arkham Asylum is actually an anagram for my failed TV pilot on affordable brass instruments— Mark Sahm: Tuba Layman.

8. Oh shut up, anagrams can too be funny. Uh huh. That’s right. Yeah? Well, your momma is so big and high-maintenance that they call her MoMA.

9. You see, my friends, the rules are at work. A yo momma joke ALWAYS saves an overextended anagram joke in the SomBlock on a Monday morning.

10. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by all those who think I’m a mean spirited guy. I just kissed a baby to prove I’m nice. Ewwww. *spitting*

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. As a kid, my summer was defined by 3 months of vacation. As a work drone, my summer is about days I’m not sweating on the train platform.

2. I’ve been having problems sleeping lately. This is why you shouldn’t buy ghosts who only speak to you at night. I want a refund, dammit.

3. Someone asked me: why do men think watching lesbians is so hot? My answer: simple math. Watching one woman = hot. Two women = hotter. Duh.

4. Somfucius say: man who allows time to keep on slipping into the future will not fly like an eagle, but may hear cheesy space sound effect.

5. I wonder if sleep deprivation can cause schizophrenia. What do you think, Somfucius? Somfucius say: man who conversates in tweet is fucked.

6. If your life is ending one minute at a time, then spending 160 minutes on a train everyday must mean I’ll be dead in a year or so. Peachy!

7. Let me be clear: I don’t have a death wish. But if I can fake my death, get a black Trans Am, and go foil villains… Well, that would rock.

8. I smile a lot. This is my only explanation why the universe is happy to let cilantro and spinach get caught in my teeth as often as it does.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by Monday AM me talking about how much work he got done this weekend. Not buying it, are you? Damn.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Standing on the wrong side of the tracks is usually a bad thing, but it managed to work out this morning because yeah, I’m fly like that.

2. Yesterday an ATM asked me if I wanted a printed receipt. After I said yes, it called me an anti-Earth treekiller. The price to go green, eh?

3. Legend has it that Serena Williams’ thighs can not only make a grown man cry, but pulverize his head into 1/4″ thick magenta plexiglass.

4. How is an athlete kissing a trophy considered acceptable, but Gollum caressing the Ring of Power is crazy? What do you mean he’s not real?

5. Those who insist on using the left side of a double door will soon be greeted by the right side of my elbow.

6. On September 9th this year, the devil will turn his calendar upside down, while free love practitioners put their calender on a pinwheel.

7. In the future, the SomBlock will come with an INXS style sax solo for your nostalgic listening pleasure.

8. I’m sorry, the tweet number you have reached is no longer in service, because your mind should be thinking about real life things.

9. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by the fire in the hearts of particularly icy & remorseless men. It chills my bones just to look at flames!

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. “Spring is near, my friends. Stay thirsty.” – Words spoken by the most optimistic yet positively clueless man in the world.

2. Forcing change to happen is like dragging a horse to water when you know the horse is made of dissolvable drink mix crystals.

3. What dream are you chasing? I know I’m after the one with the petite Latin models who have an unlimited wheat beer tap on their forehead.

4. Unwritten Metro North Rule #263: If you see the same person in both your AM and PM trains, you’re allowed to sword battle in the vestibule.

5. The answer is no. I did not have any sexual relations with that woman’s holographic image projected on my wall. Because that would hurt.

6. Somfucius say: man who ignores timesheets until last minute is able to focus on wasting time on other even more boring projects.

7. A woman who matches her shoes with her purse every day is admirable. I’d stay a few million miles away from dating her, but very admirable.

8. When I often scan back at things I spontaneously write, I can only imagine what you people think of me. You think I’m a nice guy, right?

9. I haven’t had a SomBlock Galore in a while. Sorry. I blame the economy. What? The economy’s back? Okay, well then I blame it on sun glare.

10. That would be 15 semi-good tweets in a 45 minute train ride for those who accidentally followed me last week. Ok fine, distantly semi-good.

11. Number of original iPhone adopters who are Star Wars fans and have uttered “Edge Network, you’ve failed me for the last time!” : 3 million.

12. I really need to stop thinking that tall men get all the promotions. Just look at how far Mike Bloomburg has gone in the world.

13. Maybe I should just steal Prince’s shiny purple height increasing boots. Although I don’t know if I could pull off wearing them to work.

14. I know it’s crazy, but it really seems like the gods don’t want me to work anywhere but Manhattan. At least that’s what the devil told me.

15. This AM’s SomBlock Galore is sponsored by a dream that the train takes me to the promise land tomorrow. What? It doesn’t have a Tahiti stop?

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. In a perfect world, I would not only still be in bed right now, but I’d be gently sleepsurfing on the hands of my all-female ninja army.

2. The overdigitized years have arrived when you see college kids crowdsurfing while holding a mini camcorder, and no one’s stealing it away.

3. With your bitch slap rapping and your cocaine tongue, you get nothing done. Aha, I knew there was a reason I was not feeling 100% today.

4. Star Wars Wisdom #178: If you know they’re too close, don’t cave to repeated peer pressure that you have to stay on target. Poor Hutch.

5. Opportunity is like free ice cream during a summer blackout. You better eat it before the lights come back on. That sounded dirty. Sorry.

6. If only there was a limit to how much you could smell someone’s perfume. Yeah, scent would be the 1st sense I’d trade for x-ray vision.

7. Future tweets will have GPS-like tags on them, which sucks for me because you’ll see I’m really a stay at home mom sitting in a NJ trailer.

8. Of course, if I were ghost tweeting, I’d like to think I’d come up something better than a NYC work drone artist with a super fun commute.

9. I think it’s safe to say I’d rather hear a space shuttle blasting off than a screaming baby. From the platform below the launch that is.

10. Conversely, a space shuttle blasting off full of fading sounds of screaming babies would be even better. Yes, I’d send a nanny with them.

11. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by Michael Jackson’s drugstore, because that place has to have the pill that lets you grow dragon wings.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Happy Monday! Believe it or not, I’m in a good mood as the carryover of a 3-day weekend has provided me with a temporary Monday force field.

2. Yes, I’m still reeling from last night’s Nine Inch Nails show at Webster Hall. They came down from Planet Kickass and melted my brain.

3. I try not to be a fan of too many things, I prefer the semi-detachment of just being an “admirer”. That rule goes out the window with NIN.

4. Last night was the 4th time I’d seen NIN live, following seeing them in ‘94, ‘00, and ‘08. That’s a pretty good span, right?

5. Last night’s show was unique because it was the 1st time NIN played their groundbreaking album “The Downward Spiral” in it’s entirety live.

6. I bought TDS when I was 17. If you told me 16 yrs later, I’d hear it in its entirety live with my future wife, my head would’ve exploded.

7. I was reminded that as a fellow creative person, one can only dream that people would pay such attention to your art. This is why we work.

8. Thanks for listening to me share thoughts on a very positive experience. I implore you to find the events & places that do the same for you.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by your favorite B-side that you got to hear live for the 1st time in 15 yrs, because that shit rocks.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Today, I’m sitting in an empty NJ house while my wife’s at a conference. My allies: laptop, sketchbook, and a big ass cup of hot coffee.

2. To be specific, I’m spending the day not only in the town where I grew up but also the house. 1st rule: Thou shalt not get nostalgic.

3. Any day I get to be both creative and undisturbed by anyone during the work week is a good day. Too bad it happens like 4 times in a year.

4. Dear interior design help show, I nominate my parents. They need help bad. Hey, just being honest. I do it out of love. *taps chest* Love.

5. Damn, I’ve had this Dunkin Donuts coffee sitting out for 40 minutes and it’s still too hot. Do they brew this stuff in a molten lava pit?

6. Harnessing creativity while in a strange place can bring unexpected results. Or it could just be the hallucinogenic hash browns talking.

7. Anytime you put creativity in a corporate environment though, any singular vision will always get convoluted by too many opinions.

8. Somfucius say: man who spend too much time relaxing will learn hard way that Father Time never relaxes and carries many cans of whoop ass.

9. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by the friendly folks that make money off of their dreams while you’re at a dead end job. Are you awake yet?

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Is there any part of the human body that DOESN’T sweat?

2. The beauty of living on the East Coast is that you have equal opportunity year-round to complain about any type of different weather, right?

3. “I wake up in the morning, fold my hands and pray for rain. I got a head full of ideas that are driving me insane.” – Bob Dylan

4. I’m not a huge Bob Dylan fan, but that song lyric just about sums me up. Yes, I pray for rain very often. It’s good for the wife’s plants.

5. If I actually used teenage web abbreviations, I might say OMISMITS! Translation: Oh my invisible superpowerful man in the sky! Catchy, eh?

6. Why would you want to be a “storm through the front door” monster when you could be “OMISMITS it’s coming through my nose!” kind of monster?

7. Remember kids, if you don’t believe in a higher power, you can do all the bad things you want that are still permissable under federal law.

8. Bond Mashup: I’ve got a license to kill any octopussy with a golden gun by throwing a thunderball of solace. From Russian casino with love!

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by my self inflicted limits, because it’s about time for those mofos to leave, and me to start living.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. You know it’s going to be a strange day when the 8:03 train was 3 minutes early. That’s unheard of. Snow in the desert. Me with 3 wives.

2. Of course, I’m not naive to the balance of the universe, and an early train means that a nest of killer bunnies is waiting for me at work.

3. Yes, killer bunnies are the worst because you want to hug their soft furriness, & they’ll let you for a moment. Then you lose some fingers.

4. Would Pressing Your Luck to challenge the beer-before-liquor-never-sicker adage cause you to land on a Whammy? Stop!! I won a new toaster!

5. I used to watch Press Your Luck just to see the Whammies. The combo of wonky 80’s animation over people losing their winnings was addictive.

6. In the future, there will be cell phone apps that will answer unwanted calls in your voice, and then simulate you getting in a car accident.

7. Example: “Hey Tom. Yeah I got the ASAP retouch request for the CEO, and… GET OUT OF MY LANE YOU FUCKING FUCK! NO! AARGHH!” *crash noises*

8. It’s tweets like that last one that really make my mornings sparkle like freshly waxed cars restored and recovered from toxic flood zones.

9. The odds are high that you will see more bad mustaches than good ones. Tom Selleck was such a terrible influence on the modern day male.

10. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by summarizing, since mustached killer bunnies who lose money on game shows cause faux car accidents.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. I’m not sure if I’m a morning or evening person. I pretty much feel like trampled tomatoes all day. But I would make a good sauce.

2. Welcome to the unbearable task of kick-starting my brain before the 2nd dose of caffeine. Yes, it takes two to make a Somrod feel right.

3. I almost commented on someone’s photo on Facebook that they had the plaid shirt from Fresh Prince’s “Parents Just Don’t Understand” video.

4. If we really had 26 hour days, what would you do with the extra 2 hours? I think I would probably spend it fantasizing about a 28 hour day.

5. Somfucius say: man who takes all of the cookies from the jar of life run risk of becoming a monster. Somfucius make joke for parents, eh?

6. I often wonder if any clever references are wasted on either various generations, or those who’ve drank portions of their brain cells away.

7. I’d like to tell you that your poofy hairstyle looks good, but the Flock of Seagulls are already on their way here to take it away. Sorry.

8. Don’t just sit there and hope to get lucky. If you really want to succeed, then you gotta be eatdrinkbreathing the dreams. Now snap to it!

9. I’m thinking of trying out one of those fandangled Thighmaster Bowflex Nautilus contraptions to get me looking mucho mucho buff again.

10. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the world’s smallest violin, playing exclusively for the SomBlock. What? How’s that a bad thing?

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Happy Monday! I’m trying to think cold thoughts… Arctic iceberg… Walk-in freezer… Stealing an popsicle from a kid as no one’s looking.

2. Love. Exciting and new. Sweating your ass off waiting for a train. Come aboard, we’ll towel you off.

3. Ow ow ow. I got one of those damn Monday mornings stuck in my eye. Anyone have any antiseptic beer?

4. You know, the Incredible Hulk TV Theme is really some nicely written music and… Oh shut up. Whatever. No, you’re a dork. Times infinity.

5. So Tiger Woods lost this weekend, while Michael Vick got a contract. Further proving once again that good is vastly overated.

6. I’d like to get tickets for Thievery Corporation at Terminal 5 on Halloween. But I reeeeally want to be at home to give out candy to kids.

7. Now that the recession’s “over”, has anyone checked on their 401K? Over the last year, mine grew a Fu Manchu, got spayed, & races hotrods.

8. This last year’s economy hasn’t hurt me too much. I had several hundred shares of doom and gloom. I’m also well invested in good wheat beer.

9. Uh, I heard the SomBlock rules stipulate that if I mention beer twice in one AM, I skip work and head to the bar. It doesn’t? Well, shit.

10. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by your winter coat in the air conditioned closet at home, saying “Have a nice commute, suckaaaaa!”

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Goddamn I love it when they put the train on a different track than usual. This passion I feel, man oh man, it’s a thing to behold. Woo hoo.

2. Now that’s what I’m talking about. You can take a look at my previous tweets to know exactly what “that” is. I think it may be sarcastic.

3. Damn, I hope I never try to make an NFL comeback after serving 2 years of prison and trying to get myself out of bankruptcy.

4. Life is however you want it to be. Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates doesn’t mean shit if you are obsessed about making your goals a reality.

5. I say chop up Forrest’s box of chocolates with Occam’s razor and feed them to Pavlov’s dogs.

6. I’ve decided that the SomBlock now has an ulterior motive. No, it doesn’t involve universal healthcare, or me having an extramarital affair.

7. It boils down to this: if you write every morning, you should question your motives if it isn’t adding up to something bigger.

8. Somfucius say: man who is content with just winning little battles here and there will always get his ass kicked as far as the war goes.

9. You know your world is sad when your iPhone auto-remembering SomBlock and Somfucius makes you satisfied. What? I’m not talking about me.

10. I don’t mind when I see someone wearing the exact same shirt I own. It’s just that they’re not allowed to be uglier than I am.

11. So you’re telling me that this sucker is nuclear or that it only takes 4 licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center? I assume it can’t be both.

12. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by checking email, voicemail, snail mail, check for a pulse, slurp coffee faster, submit submit obey!

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. And you may find yourself sitting on a train. And you may find you’re on Twitter again. And you may ask yourself: Well, how did I SomBlock?

2. If you’re hoping to wait around for inspiration to just roll in like a tumbleweed in a windy desert, you better hit the crackpipe harder.

3. Somfucius say: man who tell truth all the time will upset and offend people more often than smiling liar does.

4. I sent out a block of screenplays last week for SomBlock: The Movie. So far, no response, but I hear some buzz. Wait, that was my earphones.

5. SomBlock: The Movie is a gentle story of an unsuccessful artist & his insignificant way of spending his commute. Gripping & inspiring stuff.

6. I’ve just been informed I’m tweeting too much about myself and may lose followers. Actually it was all a bunch of sublime healthcare jokes.

7. Don’t go to bed with no price on your head. No no, don’t do it. The glue from the price tag could irritate those with sensitive skin.

8. I hope that if my name is ever used with the saying ‘in the hearts of men’, it’s followed by ‘in the stomach of women’. Yes, I’m serious.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the everlasting glorious Twix Bar, because caramel + cookie crunch = sacred mouth sensations. Amen.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. The weatherman comforting me in the AM about how it’s cooler than yesterday is rendered moot when I’m sweating on the train platform AGAIN.

2. In the future, you’ll be able to spray on deodorant that chemically changes all body sweat into Obsession. It’ll be called CK Pit Lover.

3. Women in open toed shoes: you know it’s time to repaint your toenails if even an unfashionable straight male notices the inconsistent toes.

4. I think it’s about time for an independent survey of whether those keeping the mullet haircut alive ever actually get laid.

5. The AM radio guy said the recession is over. At last, I can take out that cash I stored in the pipe. What do you mean it’s a sewer pipe?

6. I keep wondering if Facebook or Twitter will become the next MySpace. Of equal importance, I wonder about more or less butter on my bagel.

7. Somfucius say: man who synchronizes watch with clock at house knows exactly what time it is there when he is stuck at work 40 miles away.

8. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the lying, the Mac witchcraft, and the wardrobe I wish was all made of terrycloth robes & slippers.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Some people beat the heat by going commando. Sick. I beat it by putting ice cubes in my underwear before I leave home. I have my dignity.

2. I’d like to see how many men would wear a summer dress to work if the price was they also had to wear a bra filled with saline implants.

3. I have now lumped the decision to redo my website by myself into the category of one night stands gone wrong and warm vodka shots.

4. Hard work alone does not guarantee results. There’s some good arguments however for hard work seasoned with a side of lying and stealing.

5. An ad for a reading service in the paper goes “OMG, my kid has learned how to read.” Hopefully they don’t learn to overuse abbreviation.

6. Have online abbreviations (i.e. OMG & LMAO) reached the point where the hipness is overcome by the inability to sound like a normal person?

7. I try to avoid using unecessary abbreviations when tweeting. My rule is: “If the tweet does not fit, you must acquit.”

8. I enjoy when trains run alongside another on the Metro-North. Wait, why’s their train nicer and newer? Oh, I’m on the New Haven line.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the deodorants and body sprays that hopefully everyone in NYC remembered to use this AM.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

1. Happy Monday is to me as happy maggots are to meat. What? Too early for analogies?

2. A journey of a thousand miles should begin with an oil change and tire rotation. Screw walking, man.

3. It’s rare that you can be happy when your work has several holes in it, but I’m making it happen: http://yfrog.com/5ewatzj

4. Hope you enjoyed that last photo. It’s not me but rather my stunt artist. Sadly, he died last night in a freak cadmium red skydive accident.

5. It’s usually a good chance that if my train grinds to a halt, it will be right in the middle of a 3G dead zone.

6. And now, with glass half full: It’s rarely a bad omen that if my train accelerates to a rush, it will be left of the edge of a 3G hotspot.

7. You might think that optimism can change the world, and that’s right theoretically. But I’m doubtful and thus think there’s no fucking way.

8. Somfucius say: in steamy subway station, mail room clerk who works in shorts gets revenge for one moment on executive wearing suit and tie.

9. There’s been an ant crawling on this guy’s collar in front of me, and it reminded me of this classic train story: http://bit.ly/pMOdL

10. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the blast of cool A/C when you first walk in from the heat. Oh yeah, that’s it baby, get colder now.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***