Your Friends Will Envy Your New Package of Sausage!

Sorry. I was deleting spam, saw this headline, and couldn’t resist. I just needed something funny to break my miserable Tuesday. Of course, it does beg asking how an online meat salesman can ever get an e-mail past the spam filters… )

We now return you to your regularly scheduled podcast. There may not always be blood, but there will always be Sahm. Cheers. Peace. Winning Mega-Millions Tickets.

The Point That Water Freezes

By the time you turn 32, the initial shock of entering your thirties is gone. The memories of your twenties grow a bit fuzzier each month. But most importantly, everyone your age has either started having kids, having affairs, or doing a career shake-up. Some brave souls even go for the trifecta.

As for me, I haven’t the time nor the desire for kids or affairs, so I’ll have to be all about the shake-up. You know how it goes, Future Mark grabbing Past Mark by the shoulders and shaking vigorously, “Look what you’ve done, you fool! You’ve doomed us all!” But all time fantasies aside, I know I’m a Capricorn, so I won’t leap into anything unless it is a calculated risk.

Nevertheless, I’m hopeful that turning 32 will be a good omen. Bill Clinton was elected governor of Arkansas when he was 32, the youngest person elected to that position in 40 years. But then again, Led Zeppelin drum god John Bonham, artist Keith Haring and martial arts legend Bruce Lee all died at the age of 32. Of course, the legacy of all three was already left, so it was not as if they were robbed of their chance to have an impact on the world.

Because for me, that’s what life is about— having impact. After all, what good is being infinitesimal? What good is being anonymous? To me, there’s no point in being alive unless you’re trying to achieve something righteous. If I never do anything that has a noteworthy impact on the world, then ultimately I will consider my life a failure. This is the sensibility that drives me to try. Birthdays tend to be a reminder of this, the reflective nature it contains. I used to get depressed every December 26th because I knew I had not achieved anything that made me feel like I had meaning. But not anymore.

To celebrate yesterday evening, I had an excellent steak dinner in Manhattan, drank several pints of tasty foreign beer, and had four hours of laugh-filled discussion with my two best friends in a familiar lounge. Underneath it all, I was happy because I feel like I am the closest I have ever been toward realizing my life’s purpose. Now it’s just a matter of time of making it happen. Cheers.

Per The Creeping Logo Above

A small reminder for the Fellow Capricorn in Chains,

There is content ripe for consumption. There is design waiting to be implemented. There are product concepts begging to be realized.

Don’t wait for madmen to rise from the basement in order for you to begin your part to make it all happen.

This service announcement was brought to you by Creeping Logos. Hit refresh twice if you don’t see it.

Jig Sahm Falling Into Place

A light at the end of the tunnel is one thing. When you can see the glowing twisted metal of the filament inside the bulb is another. I’m happy to say I’m at the point of the latter, almost able to shed some of the chains holding me down, and take the next step in my life.

Since I turned thirty, I have taken a lot of steps towards being more productive than I was in my twenties, both in my day job that pays the bills and my home life. Feel free to disagree with me, but I think if you’re not on your way towards your true calling by the time you turn thirty, then you need to reevaluate your life.

Sure, we all got distractions, it comes with the territory. But I think your twenties are about getting the pieces of the puzzle on the table. You may not be able to put them together right away, but at least you can see them in front of you.

For me, now that my home life and day-job are *almost* stable for the most part, it’s time to start putting together the jigsaw puzzle. The puzzle is the business venture of myself and the lovely Ms. S.Rod, one where many pieces are already on the table. I know we can put it together.

Yes, I know… I’m touting the pipe dream once again. But at heart, I’m really an optimistic guy, I swear. A friend told me the other day that I am often encompassed by negativity and it distorts my perspective on everything, including my dreams and aspirations. While I suppose it is difficult to look at yourself from such a ‘god’s-eye-view’, I try when I can. I don’t want to be writing blog entries about bad luck forever!   :twisted:

So the truth of it is that I’m really a closet optimist. I’d let the positive element out more if I could just catch a break from all of my efforts. Whether such a break comes via fate or via perseverance, it doesn’t matter— I just want to be completing my puzzle. Cheers.

Toast with Sitting Duck Meat

Something’s burning. No, it’s not my poor attempts at cooking while S.Rod recuperates. It is hope.

Of course, you might say that hope does not burn by nature. It wafts like perfume or accumulates like rain in a bucket. But I am a man of fire, I thrive under the concept of lighting a match under my own ass and getting things done. This is my version of hope, a blue flame that consumes everything around me and burns the sludge off the skeleton of my dream, letting me start fresh.

So over the past week, I have found that while I thought I was pretty close to becoming a toasted has-been of myself, I had started several good projects over the last year, but did not bring any of them to fruition. I can’t tell you why, I guess I was being too critical (what a surprise!)

But revisiting these things gave me a bit of hope… that maybe I just needed a different angle on them to make them complete. When I took that new angle on a couple of things, the concept fell into place. If only I could go back and time and save myself the Tums ingestion that led me here.

As always, my constant need for mental self-improvement is being realized. There will be many revisions to this site and all of the sites in the M.Sahm-S.Rod universe, but it is now the question of appeasing the real world since we are homeowners.

Case in point: the unfinished basement of our townhouse has taken much longer for me to renovate than it should have. I started doing my initial clean-up in July, and expected to be done by now. But my original game plan has had financial concerns, since getting contractors to be mindful of your budget is a lost cause. But I’m getting really close. I cannot wait to post photos of the before and afters. Hell, it might be like posting baby pictures for me. At least as close as I want to get right now.

Speaking of photos, I have been severely lacking in getting even one online of the townhouse. Sadly, it all hinges on the basement. All of the things that are supposed to be down there are in all of the other rooms. The weekend warrior workflow I have keeps me from finishing much outside of basement things… but I’m trying to keep my patience. I’m trying real hard, Ringo. This has just been an overbearing project for one person.

The silver lining? When the basement is finished, life will be like a line of dominoes… everything will start happening. I’m psyched because I can see it all. I can smell it. No longer will I be a sitting duck, waiting for a giant clichéd fate to land on me. I’m doing as much as I can to make the dream happen. Cheers.

Same Old Trip It Was Back Then

Just in case you thought I had fallen off of the earth, let me verify it for you— you were right. Luckily, gravity has a wonderful quality to it and here I am again. Hooray for meta-depression fueled awareness.

Like a good brothel that draws you back into its loving arms and heaving breasts, blogland is always calling me, looking for an entry of middle-age angst to confuse a web surfer looking for Alice in Chains lyrics.

So I oblige. Know me broken by my master. Heh heh.

You see, I have a whole catalog of half-started blog entries outlining the last two years of my life. Sometimes good titles with no content. Sometimes a story with no ending. Most times a chain of thoughts with half of the links missing.

But this time, it is pretty simple. Change is great, but only if you can ride it into a new self-identity. If you take on too much change though, you could just end up being the same old you with too many things to finish or bring to fruition.

Therefore, new job + new house + new car + surgically repaired wife = same old Sahm. I have to laugh at the irony, and yet I am not surprised. This is my trip, same old one it was back then.

Manhattan Job 3.0

Even the most optimistic of endeavors will not work out exactly as planned. We make mistakes like we breathe air. Inhale, exhale, anywhere and everywhere. Even some of the things we think are great at the time can turn out to be a mistake later on. So it goes without saying that as I enter the next chapter of my career, I walk in while exhaling a lesson learned.

Not to say that every breath you take is a mistake, for that would have make Sting an unhappy songwriter. No, much like the air in a block proximity of a construction site pouring concrete, you don’t know that concrete dust is in the air until you taste it in your mouth. Nevertheless, no matter where I go in my career, I always choose to enter with an optimistic outlook. I take a breath because I have made the conscious decision to do so. One cannot walk around with a clothespin on their nose and their mouth taped shut, and hope to ever survive.

Thus, tomorrow begins the third breath of a Manhattan job for me. I am optimistic about it because I believe that like a good software upgrade, it has taken the best parts of versions 1.0 and 2.0 and combined them. I hope I have not put too much on the position description’s shoulders, but I suppose it is only natural when you have your “new job high”.

In the end, work is still work. But my goal is to feel like I have done something fulfilling each day, to come home every night not seeking to decompress, but to carry over the good vibes of the day into the rest of my life. Is that too much to ask for? I certainly hope not. Cheers.

Change Is An X-Ray Penetrating Life…

… and good things are happening as a result. Temperatures are finally rising, sending the gloves and fleece into storage. The Sahm-Rod townhouse condo gets ever closer to its renovation completion, and hearts race in anticipation. Career shifts are ahead, and daily routines will soon adjust to fit… like a new t-shirt snug after an initial washing.

And of course, the lime tree has survived the winter, prospering at that. Clusters of mini-limes have burst from the heads of white flowers, and to see them as a metaphor would be too easy… even if it totally is.

May is going to be a crazy month for me, perhaps the craziest I’ve ever known. Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Cheers.

Nothing Like A Good Tune-Up…

…And blogs are no exception. Today, I upgraded Blogimus Prime to WordPress 2.1.2. Unlike previous WP upgrades, this one really did go over in five minutes like their old slogan preached. I think it was the fifth or sixth time I’ve done an upgrade, so perhaps I’m getting smooth in my ‘old age’.

Of course, I knew that I had to upgrade all of my Plug-Ins afterwards, as well as fixing the code for my Blogroll. There’s a couple more bells and whistles now, but I’m most happy to announce that I have finally rid the blog of the aesthetically displeasing Google ads. They really served no purpose and are never going to pay off (unless I get a $100 check in the year 2043), so I gave them the heave-ho.

I’m hoping for a few more visual upgrades soon. However, I’m months behind on several upgrades all around the Sahm site index, so it’s probably best I don’t make you any promises… other than my usual serving of juxtapositional philosophy, that is. Cheers.

Traffic Goal Reached, Yet…

You could say it was a good thing that we reached the goals set in last January’s post about unique visitors. But in truth, it was merely an illusion. We shouldn’t have rested on our laurels and expected that things would work automatically through the nature of the internet.

As you can see in the graph below, we not only reached our modest goal of 50,000 Unique Visitors, but surpassed it by 7.5K. Hooray! Okay, that’s about where the celebrating ends.

You see, we figured that if the traffic came, then so would the sales… that it was just the natural law of statistics. That even if we got 1% of those visitors to make a purchase, we’d be fine. *Insert the Family Feud Big Red X here*

Obviously, that did not happen as sales were down in 2006 despite the higher unique visitors. Luckily, since we are still a completely independent and self-sustained website, no shareholders will bail on us, no employees will quit in January after they get their Xmas Bonus, and no limits are in place that can stop us from rewriting our Constitution.

Indeed, change for 2007 is already in the works and we are optimistic that this will help us turn the “tiny site” corner. So let’s keep raising our goals and say 100K for 2007, which we already know will be tough based on the consistency we experienced through 2006. But hey, why play the game unless you are trying to win, right? Even minor victories are still victories. And so it is said.

More on the site changes to come very soon. Cheers.

Consolation Prize

The Rolling Stones once sang the well-known phrase, “You can’t always get what you want”.

2006 was confirmation of that phrase for me. On many levels, I suffered some disappointments in reaching certain goals I had set for myself last year around this time. Of course, since I don’t believe in fate, I have accepted my 2006 fortunes and have resolved to learn from them. After all, you know I believe we all determine our own destiny.

Thus, 2007 has a handful of new goals lying in wait. All of which will be determined tomorrow and listed out here. For now, it is time to enjoy some good eats and a few drinks, and let the chips fall where they may. Cheers.

Your Own Personal Thomas Anderson

In the event that S. Rod and I decide to get dinner delivered, we usually throw on a DVD while we devour the cuisine. Tonight’s dinner was Chinese and the chosen flick was The Matrix. I had pressed her to watch Meeting People Is Easy since it is about a dinner length feature, but S. Rod would not have it. So I relented— I knew that The Matrix is one of those movies that gets my mind churning a bit afterwards, and that’s always a welcome bonus for me.

Not having seen this flick in a while though, I was reminded of how Neo, or rather Thomas Anderson, was a cubicle dwelling corporate drone (as pictured below) in the beginning of the film before he took the red pill. Seeing the all-too-familiar scenery only served to make me laugh. Sometimes it seems that even in a span of potential escape, I am reminded of my current state of affairs and the displeasure I have with it.

Nevertheless, I guess if you take the concepts presented in The Matrix and extend them as metaphors into reality, then we are all striving to be the Neo version of ourselves. Not necessarily “the One” to everyone, but to become the person that chases down the dream… and catches it. The one where the sacrifices finally add up to something stellar. Otherwise, we will always be our own personal Thomas Anderson.

As always, it boils down to making the conscious choice to become Neo. Such a choice is always there, waiting for you to make it… or at least, it’s just a FedEx envelope containing a switchblade cellphone away.

Alive Yet Not Living As I Used To

Someone reminded me this past weekend that I had not updated my blog in what seemed like forever (a month and a half to be exact). While I could make a million excuses as to why I have been mostly absent from the blogopshere recently, the truth is as simple as this: my day job has been demanding a lot more of me. What used to be ‘blogging time’ after work is now ‘collect mental stability time’. To boot, that time is happening about two to three hours later in the evening.

Put more in perspective, I went from a work situation of six years where I did about 10 hours of paid overtime a year. In my job of the past six months, I’ve done about 70 hours of unpaid overtime. I’d be a liar if I said this wasn’t a hard adjustment, as I think it would be for anyone. It’s disconcerting at times to know that your extra work really has no surface value. Really, outside of the naive hope that it will help when reviews come around, it has no value at all. But such is the sacrifice when going from an hourly to a salaried position.

Throw in a longer commute time that includes an unreliable subway which often causes me to miss my connecting train, and a daily routine that has been stifling in terms of creativity, and you can understand my low blog appearance rate. So it goes. For now.

As most of you know, I am a persistent person so I know this shall pass… but I guess I just wanted you to hear me say it. I’m building up mental gasoline in the hopes that my desk chair will burst into flames and turbo-boost-eject me through the ceiling. At least, that’s the hope. Cross your fingers.

Creativity Runs In The Family

Since Magic Junk is essentially a family business, it gives the two of us great pleasure to see another family member taking huge strides with their own business website as well— showcasing their talents for the world to see.

Based in Lancaster, PA, Beth Cardwell specializes in on-location, natural light photography with a photojournalistic flair. She has a expansive and visually fresh portfolio of work that focuses on children, families, maternity, and relationships. If you have the opportunity to meet Beth, you will understand right away why her energetic personality is drawn to others, and vice versa.

So go give her website a look (link below), and if you’re in the Lancaster area, consider setting up a session with Beth for you and your loved ones— her work will make for a timeless piece on your family room wall. Cheers!

http://www.bethcardwell.com

Axioms of The Quitstay

This is the point where you shake your head. The point you realize taking a fake sick day *cue the Ferris Bueller music until the record skips* is not going to cut it any longer.

This is the point where you should look deep inside. In the unfortunate event you discover you are a quitstay — a human resources term for someone who has mentally quit their job but keeps turning up for work anyway — do not panic. Instead, you should accept the primary truth of the quitstay: It’s way too late to panic now. Only clever planning will get you out of this mess.

Of course, if you are unsure of what your quitstay status really is, it is important for you to determine it immediately. Yes, put down the breakfast burrito and get a hold of yourself.

If you’re reading this while you’re at work, guess what — you’re a quitstay! People who love their job wouldn’t be spending company time surfing the Internet. Sorry. But please continue reading, we’re here to help.

If you are in the 2% of the population who actually love every aspect of their work, congratulations — it must be really exciting to be a porn star, hitman, or a CEO!

Now some of you out there may be saying, “But I love my job and I’m not in the adult film industry, mafia, or executive level.” Yes, I know you said it, but do you really believe it? No, really — because your fellow quitstays know better. We know all about your little denial. It usually stems from one of three things:

    • Money – You make a certain level of income at your job, so you deem it worthy of doing something you’ve grown to hate, simply because you can afford to have a Hummer. Hello, quitstay!

    • Status – You talk about your job at parties like so: “Well, yes, I’m the [meaningless job title] at [corporate juggernaut with memorable slogan], it’s really a great atmosphere.” So you’re saying that shoveling manure for Google is that much better than doing it for Sal’s Electronics Shop? Riiiiiiiight. Hola, parar estancia!

    • Power – You define your purpose by commanding corporate drones to do your bidding around the office. Yet you somehow believe your company could not replace you next month? Uh huh. Bonjour, stoppez le séjour!

Look, let’s be clear — nobody faults you for any of these three things. We know you were only trying to find the positive in an otherwise depressing situation. As young adults, we are thrust into the work world and search for any type of redeeming factor in a dead end career we can find. As life unfolds with more responsibility over the years, we often sink into a default setting. However, if you don’t like when you boot your computer in Safe Mode, then why do so with your life?

The trick is, if you step out of the comfortably numb shadow of denial, you’ll see that the real happiness lies in pursuing what you truly feel passionate about. Yes, if your passion is Rice Krispies, then you should be at Kellogg’s door tomorrow, looking for a way to be involved. Sure, it’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. Passion has no limits.

It comes down to a little perspective. When you look back on where you are now in 20 years, are you going to regret not having pursued your passions? Hell, that time could come tomorrow, because you don’t know how long you’re going to live. You could die from any of a billion things — choke on your baby back ribs, inhale toxic dust, have an orgasm-induced heart attack — anything.

So if you’ve got something you want to do, somewhere you want to go to live, then what’s stopping you? Start planning, scheming, plotting. You’re not going to get there sitting on your ass, stuck in the same routines, and just accepting it as your fucking lot in life.

The time to start is now. Consider this your wake-up call, free of charge. In case you’re wondering, I say all of this because I, too, have made bad decisions in terms of career. But that’s not stopping me from trying new avenues to get closer to my passions. It shouldn’t for you either.

In case you needed them, here are some good starting points:

Entrepreneur – a plethora of information on starting your own business.
Springwise – a website totally devoted to fresh ideas and insights.
Monster – still one of the best places to find a new career.

And if you’re really out there, you can always try the porn route. It might just be better than being a CEO. But maybe not.

Good luck, and thanks for reading. Cheers.

An Orbit 1000 Times More Vast

At what point do you give up all of your material possessions for a chance at something greater? I often ask myself that question, and yet I still have no answer. I should, but I don’t.

The truth is that I’m afraid of life getting worse than it already is. You know, the whole “rather the devil you know than the devil you don’t” attitude. I’ve never had much luck with gambling, outside of a close encounter with the Pink Panther progressive three years ago. Of course, you can walk away from a night of losing $400 at the poker table. The stakes are much higher when you’re putting your life savings on the line for the sake of chasing the creative dream.

But as I’ve hinted at before, I wonder what my breaking point is with working a corporate job. When do I wake up in the morning in a panic? When will all of the regret really hit home? Don’t get me wrong, I take pride in all of the work I’ve done for the companies that employed me, but has any of it been that fulfilling? No. All it did was pay my bills.

I like to believe that I am just on a delayed timeline of realization, that I, much like the classic line from the 1970′s intro of “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”, am caught in an orbit one thousand times more vast. But while that’s nice and clever for the blog, the reality is that it’s just another excuse… and you know the smell of those things.

I’m getting closer and closer each day to putting it all on the line.

Always Get It In Writing… Even If The Phone Call is Being Recorded!

Damn it, Citibank. I don’t need more reasons to be fucking cynical. We had gotten along so well since the EAB merger. Why did you have go and trick me?

Of course, I acknowledge my own mistake for trusting you. I should not have. You tossed out the rusty bear trap of Catch-22 in front of me, and I consented to step on the bait plate. Thus begins the lesson.

———-

It went down like this, folks. In June, I wanted to open a CD online on a Sunday (yes, I’ve done this before without problem). In the process, I noticed in the fine print that the rate was getting raised on Tuesday. So I cancelled the online form and called Customer Service to verify that the rate was changing. Mistake #1.

The service rep verified the rate was changing on Tuesday, but then told me that I could get the higher rate anyway if I opened the CD now. She said she would just note in the computer log that my account was to be opened on Tuesday. “Oh really? That would be great,” says trusting me.

At the time, I figured the phone call was evidence of this promise, since before you ever speak with a live representative, you always hear “This phone call is being recorded for quality assurances,” so I agreed to open the CD with the aforementioned note on the account. I mean, if she just said “No, you can’t get the higher rate now,” I would have waited until the next weekend. Mistake #2.

A couple days go by, and the stats finally come up online with my account info. Of course, it has the wrong rate. I call Customer Service right away and indicate this, explaining my previous agreement. Surprisingly, they say, “No problem, we’ll listen to the phone conversation, correct the account, and send you the updated info to sign. Check in 5 days for things to process.” I hang up, thinking the universe will be realigned. Mistake #3.

Mistakes #4 and 5 consist of a slightly more impatient version of #3, where I call about this not being fixed, open an inquiry (with not just the CS Rep but a Client Research Manager!) and wait another 5 days for things to process. So here I am, almost a month since I opened the account and nothing has changed. Today I finally get a letter from Citibank stating in technical terms that they will not change Jack Shit and the rate is the rate.

Now if you’ve heard my podcasts or read my writings, you know I’m mostly a non-confrontational guy… I believe in professionalism, keeping my cool, and talking things out. Honestly, this unnerved me. I mean, if you were always planning on screwing me over, why have your reps and managers looking at the account notes and saying for a month, “No problem Mr. Sahm, we’ll fix the mistake” then?

So the phone call round 4 begins with me clutching to a sense of inner cool, trying so hard not to yell or anything. This account manager, however, was different from her predecessors. She was a real bitch. She told me straight up that Citibank would never go back and listen to the phone logs, because such an endeavor costs thousands of dollars to do, and they do not see why they should do that for me.

Now look, at this point, it’s not about the money that the extra rate would have given me… even if it was a nice chunk of change to a working stiff like me, this was about general principles. About how if promises are made on a professional level, those promises are noted and kept. The phone recording was the only face card I could play. Without it, I looked like nothing more than some idiot who realized three days later that he could have gotten the higher rate. But the frustration is that I did know about the rate… yet I had nothing to aid my cause.

So I tried once more to remain professional, and kindly requested that since I was misinformed and misled by the phone representative of Citibank, I would just like to have the application to the CD cancelled (I never signed any paperwork that they sent me, mind you) and have my money returned to my checking account.

She quickly replied, “We can do that, sir… but you’ll have to pay the early withdrawal fee.” And then, I totally lost my cool.

I could get into what I said, but you can figure it out. After a few minutes of arguing, being put on hold, arguing some more for another minute, and finally resolving that this woman would not help me, I hung up.

You know, the irony of all of this is that I ask for quotes and estimates in writing all the time. Hell, it’s part of what I do for a living! Yet this one lone time that I did not, I ended up getting the shaft. I can only shake my head.

So even if this lesson is a difficult reminder to me, I am trying to pass it on to someone out there who might just get in that same moment as I was.

Always get it in writing first before you agree to anything… even when you know the phone call is being recorded!