2. Congrats on your achievements! I’m very excited to hear that you’ve done something no one’s EVER done before.

3. Somewhere, there’s an ancient machine that measures all of the cynicism in the world. You think the machine overloads during the holidays?

4. Somfucius say: Man who is short on Facebook status updates may have a busy life. Or maybe he just didn’t feel like posting frivolous bullshit.

5. On the grand scale of Twitter trending topics, I’d rather be Tiger Woods than Michael Jackson. A scandal still beats being dead.

6. Always wait for at least 3 Subway announcements before leaving. Twice they said service was suspended. Then 2 minutes later it was fixed.

7. It’s better to be a spontaneous failure than a meticulously planned failure. At least you have some time for a beer afterwards.

8. I’m still trying to figure how the hell I tweeted like this every morning for months. Maybe it’s time to start again? Nahhhhhhhh.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by 2012, because the Mayans thought it would be funny to fuck with naive people in the future.

2. Yes, it’s true. Today is the last SomBlock for a while. This occasion will be marked by Mother Nature hocking a series of big lugies on me.

3. I wrote a SomBlock every weekday for 4.5 months, including vacations & holidays. This serious commitment was making my wife crazy jealous.

4. In that time, I didn’t work on my started 2nd novel or make any new podcasts. The AM train time is now theirs. Maybe some sleep too.

5. In lighter news, there’s a good chance that this huge alligator in front of me has fed recently and that… hbb mbght nbbt eebbt mbb. Shbbt.

6. Somewhere, a man was caught having an affair by his wife, and she’s beating him with an indoor tree. And you thought your morning was rough.

7. So, @Ms_SRod has dared me to buzz my hair to look more like Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails. At least that’s what she said in her sleep.

8. In the future, soft drinks and other beverages will be enhanced with stronger stimulants. Imagine: “This Coke has 75 mg of methamphetamine”.

9. Somfucius say: Man who knows day job is killing him may be stressed, but makes more inspired art than naive work drone.

10. When the Subway conductor says there’s a sick customer but you see 10 cops staggered along the platform outside— there’s no sick customer.

11. In the end, it’s always about impact. If you don’t make a difference to the world now, then you need to start finding a way. Get on it, man.

12. I should have been taking the local all this time. I always get most inspired 9 minutes before I finish the express train tweeting. Oh well.

13. When I reach 2000 tweets, Twitter will be sending me a rubber stamp so I can stamp “I KNOW Y2K!” on my forehead. Admit it, you’re jealous.

14. Oh that @Somrod, has too many debts to pay. So he waved goodbye, saying “Don’t you cry, I’ll be sarcastic in short bursts later in the day.”

15. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by you. Thanks to all who let me know I made them laugh. Now get back to your brainwashing, monkeys.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. You always hope that change comes with a parade behind it, but often it arrives with the Mario Bros theme playing on an old clock radio.

3. I will see your winky emoticon, and raise you a full punctuation rendered fail whale.

4. I’m trying to decide if I’d rather be a compensated spokesperson or the guy who airbrush painted the full body of Rebecca Romijn for X-Men.

5. I enjoy the people who have Bluetooth earpieces that blink like the Borg from Star Trek. How about a robot claw to go over your hand too?

6. Unfortunately, if you have to be that constantly connected, you were assimilated to a drone long ago. I don’t care what level of VP you are.

7. Is it a bad omen if Beck’s ‘Loser’ keeps coming on your iPod at random every time you approach your office in the morning?

8. You know you’ve passed your breaking point with a situation when you can’t possibly talk about it without F-bombing the verbal countryside.

9. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by mental masturbation. Take that however you want, but it’s time to stop sulking & go find some brain lube.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. This is the part of my life where I’m waiting for NASA to visit me seeking my expertise in blowing up a giant asteroid hurling toward Earth.

3. The iPhone is great at keeping you connected to your email. Unless we’re talking about work email which you should disconnect at home.

4. We are a generation where telling someone that they’re about as exciting as an Excel spreadsheet is universally understood.

5. My nasal passages always seem to clear at the same time I sit next to a guy whose breath smells like he chewed wet cigarettes and manure.

6. Dear smokers, cigarettes make you smell like shit inside and out, no matter what perfume you spray or breath mint you use. I’m just saying.

7. I heard that if a bloodhound enters a packed Subway car with no A/C during July, their nose explodes.

8. No animals were ever harmed in the making of the SomBlock. Unless you consider me an animal. But that’s just rude and uncalled for.

9. Somfucius say: man who tracks down where he made past mistakes may get closure, but spends too much time running in wrong direction.

10. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the dark clouds approaching. Hey clouds, welcome back. Thought you let me off the hook. Silly me.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. Celebrity death on Twitter is like a candlelight vigil super-glued overtop of an ejector seat.

3. I started following some celebrities this past week, and truth be told, most celebrities are as boring as stale radishes. Go average folk!

4. They really need to make some kind of slow person staircase in Grand Central Terminal when going down to the 4-5-6 before I have to go loco.

5. I have determined that if the Invisible Man and Selma Hayek (circa ’95) made an adult film together, it would be the greatest thing ever.

6. Do sharks ever eat a remora in those moments when they’re not attached? It’d be the equivalent of walking with a candy bar stuck to you.

7. How many of your vices could you give up at once? Asked the man playing MegaMillions while eating a Chipotle burrito & thinking about beer.

8. I’ve never been to a candlelight vigil for an eaten remora but the Invisible Man has. Flashback humor! This is why I have 3,000 followers.

9. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by a steamy affair with 3 sexy women, because I have no idea what that’s like but it makes a great sponsor.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. You know you’re getting old when you don’t know a single one of the songs that won an MTV VMA Award. But then, maybe that’s a good thing.

3. Last night, I played a board game called Smart Ass. Needless to say, I kicked ass and took names. I didn’t get any prizes for this though.

4. Stocks for Doritos, Bud Light, and La-Z-Boy soared over the weekend. Yes, football season has officially begun.

5. I enjoy when people put their fingers in their ears as the Subway is approaching. Those wussies. What’s that you say? I can’t hear you.

6. In the future, the Subway will be whisper quiet, floating on force fields. It will still be overcrowded and never arrive on time though.

7. It’s so gratifying when you’re the only person not to force your way onto an overpacked Subway car, then another pulls up & you get a seat.

8. Remember the pledge: at 2000 tweets, the SomBlock drinks a beer from the wrong Holy Grail. It will crumble to dust, but do so with a buzz.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the sarcasm that makes my world go round. Wouldn’t you like to be a sarcastic smartass pepper too?

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, but the reasoning to be gained was immense. I hope people learned. That’s all I’m saying.

3. Lots of uniformed presence on the platform and train this AM. Dear MTA, this is a good thing on a regular basis, okay?

4. I will give tourists on Wall Street a full 3 count to take their photos if each other before I walk through it. I think that is fair enough.

5. Nevertheless, it’s safe to say that a blurred image of me walking exists on the digital cameras of about 100 European or Asian tourists.

6. In lighter news, last night was the final show ever for Nine Inch Nails. But was it the last to be played by Trent Reznor? I don’t think so.

7. Somfucius say: Man who is always hypersensitive about the past fails to grow in his acceptance of the world’s differences.

8. It figures that the first time I wear long sleeves in 4 months, I sit in a train car with zero air circulation. *tugs shirt repeatedly*

9. At tonight’s Super Furry Animals concert, God show me magic or kiss me with apocalypse. Either way I win. Although I’d prefer a Slow Life.

10. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by how difficult it is to make a good joke on a rememberance day. Better to bite your tongue than not.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. Because damn it, I could use some change in my life more than an alcoholic could use a shot of bourbon. Just a shot of change, that’s all.

3. When you wake up in the morning, do you feel more like taking on the world, or like the world is taking you on a ride on the Tilt-O-Whirl?

4. Just the two of us. We can make it if we try, just the two of us. If not, let’s rob some banks, party, and go out in a hail of bullets.

5. Found out that you can share apps with other authorized iPhone users in the new iTunes. Now me and @Ms_SRod are even more Siamese twins.

6. When a baby cries on the train, do you: A. Feel bad. B. Turn your music up louder. C. Offer a pacifier. D. Offer an Ambien.

7. There was a hole in her Georgia O’Keefe painting and his spitting viper crawled through it. Rule: Never mix pet stores with art galleries.

8. If you’re suffering from writer’s block, just remember: you could be suffering from writer’s block and chased by cannibals riding cheetahs.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the machine that makes a mistake. You’re only human, buddy.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. So Apple’s introducing new products today. Yawn. It’s a good thing I’m not a fanboy (says the man typing on his 2nd iPhone).

3. What I want from Apple is a new iPod that also is an effective stun gun, just in case I need to get even with rude people on the street.

4. In the future of course, there will be iPods that project force fields made of 1990′s MC Hammer albums. No one will dare touch them.

5. Facebook is great for finding old friends, but bad when you suddenly realize they’ve haven’t seen you since 20 pounds ago.

6. Learned that MTA Mail N Ride lets you save 2 credit cards on your account in case the 1st card expires, you’ll still get your ticket.

7. When making decisions, most people could use the red X in the air (with buzzer noise) from Family Feud to appear.

8. Sometimes you don’t realize how many stupid people there are in our nation until you hear them talking next to you on the phone.

9. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by all those losers hoping for the iTablet to release. Not gonna happen. (Shh, that’s reverse psychology.)

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. Somedays work can be the mental equivolent of getting smacked in the face repeatedly with a shovel. I suspect today might be such a day.

3. The Tuesday after a 3 day weekend is filled with fun surprises that all the people who were on vacation had forgot about before they left.

4. If anyone asks me how my weekend was, I’ll say that I killed a VW Bug full of clowns & spent the rest of the weekend burying all 20 of them.

5. A midlife crisis is just teenage angst with a higher credit line and a reduced libido.

6. An uncomfortable seat on an old train into NYC always makes me realize I wasted way too much time this weekend. A faux Monday cements this.

7. There should be a superhero that flies around letting obnoxious & idiotic people see how the world perceives them. Call him Loud-MFer Man.

8. Somfucius say: man who dreams of instant fame may just find it, but more than likely found a bad reality TV show with humiliating stunts.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by its evil twin SomBlack, the prince of dark tweetness. Okay fine, so they’re conjoined twins.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. But it’s nice when you’re able to stay to committed to things even when you don’t have to. Thank you, drugs. You lead me through the dark.

3. I’m kidding of course. The only drug I abuse is crystal meth, but it really goes great with a pesto sauce and sprinkled overtop of a salad.

4. I could use one of those life-changing realization thingees though. Anyone know if I can get one on eBay? I don’t want to spend too much.

5. So I’m only 135 away from 2000 tweets. This is monumental for me, as I’ll have proof that I’m verified as a creative time wasting idioteque.

6. Somfucius say: man who OD’s on self-depreciating humor may amuse total strangers on web, but may also jump off Tappan Zee Bridge in reality.

7. Of course, the drawback of SomBlocking at home on a holiday is you can get interrupted by your wife asking you to carry a basket of laundry.

8. It’s so hard to get back into the writing frame of mind after you’ve been disturbed. But, I was already ‘disturbed’. Guess I’m alright then.

9. Did you know Labor Day started from a print press operator that went into labor & accidentally crushed her boss? They gave her the day off.

10. Actually, Labor Day was started by CEOs who needed to silence the rising contempt of their workforce. Plus they wanted an extra day of golf.

11. I’m going to spend my Labor Day on the computer making web graphics and futzing with CSS tags, which may sound like… *brain disconnects*

12. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by hardworking folks who spend their workday emailing, checking Facebook, and tweeting. You deserve today.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. A half empty train is like a warm gun on an otherwise stressing and annoying day. Whoops, was I supposed to say ‘happiness’? You’re funny.

3. Unpublish button to fix missed typo, you’ve failed me for the last time. *pinches fingers together*

4. The only vacation that really matters is one you make permanently from something else. Anything else is just a momentary distraction.

5. I’d like to tell you that you’ll get a lot accomplished this 3-day weekend. Of course, for most of you, that means drinking and overeating.

6. Is God really dead? Or is he merely playing a simultaneous neighborhood game of hide-n-seek with children all over the world? Right.

7. Don’t worry, sometimes I can’t even tell if I’m being sarcastic or not.

8. I went out to find my happy place, but discovered it had already closed for the summer.

9. Is it true that Michael Jackson was buried in King Tut’s tomb, and is making an undead comeback in The Mummy V?

10. To my 20 non-spam related followers, I hope you can end the summer with a bang. Of course, I’m talking about exploding Molotov cocktails.

11. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like finding an ice cold beer at 8:43 in the morning.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. Want to really fool your spouse into thinking they’ve put on weight? Wash all of their jeans without them knowing you did so.

3. I met Smiling Guy from the erectile dysfunction ads. He said “Hello there! Please excuse me while I suffer several unpleasant side effects.”

4. Quality constructive criticism is as hard to come by as a good looking woman who doesn’t have a shoe fetish or purse collection.

5. Somfucius say: boy who likes girls who like girls who like boys should really focus on someone who likes him and his equipment.

6. Research shows that my love of beer, bacon, and burgers is slowly killing all of my internal organs. Ah yes, what a tasty way to go out.

7. I’m not a foodie, but if you don’t mix in some tasty fattening food every so often in your healthy diet, then you’re a self-sadist.

8. I suppose my AM tweet efficiency would go up if I had a laptop with a 3G card instead of lurching here like a mad scientist over my iPhone.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by wearing jeans so tight that you can sing Jeff Buckley and Thom Yorke falsetto on the way to work.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. Since I started doing the SomBlock, the economy has begun to rebound. You now see the healing powers of negativity and sarcasm. So… ha!

3. Of course, all good things come to an end sooner or later. The SomBlock’s days are numbered, probably somewhere in-between tweet 2000-2500.

4. In the meantime, let me tell you about the medicinal benefits of organic bullshit. It can be found in most corporate offices in vast supply!

5. With enough organic corporate bullshit, you can numb your life so much that you don’t even feel pain anymore. You hear me people, no pain!

6. Fall is redeeming because all of the annoying things of summer go away: excessive heat and humidity, shore traffic, and fat men in Speedos.

7. Why is olive oil the only thing in the world to get the adjective Extra Virgin? Couldn’t we all use an Extra Virgin Beer or an Extra Virgin Steak?

8. Somewhere in the worst part of town on the bottom shelf of a dark convenience store, you’ll find a bottle of Dirty Old Prostitute Olive Oil.

9. Do you think everyone age 30-50 can identify the start game jingle of Pac-Man by just the first 2 notes? Yes, I miss my lost youth as well.

10. In the future, I’ll be riding on a spacious and new Metro North train. Note though that I didn’t say “in the NEAR future”.

11. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or a spacious comfortable seat on a Metro North train.

12. Do you remember who it was that told you there was no Santa Claus? I do, and I hope that person is forever stuck photographing cute kids.

13. This AM’s SomBlock is sponsored by my bosses all being out the rest of the week. Golly gee, I’ll sure miss them so much. *wipes tear away*

14. Damn, I didn’t realize I was so close to a SomBlock Galore. Further proving that man’s ability to count before caffeine is greatly reduced.

15. Unless of course, I break my own rules and allow post sponsor tweets to count. Hmmm… Well… Okay… SomBlock Galore! (I love saying that)

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***

2. Hello I’m Mark, it’s nice to meet you, but I shall be taking the last aisle seat of the two-seaters on this car. Eat my drone dust, suckers.

3. 50 year old women shouldn’t be wearing makeup like a teenager. This must be the universe’s balance for toddlers using their mom’s makeup.

4. Everyone wants to be whatever they aren’t. For example, I wish I was a wealthy female CEO with 5 kids who loves cliches. Okay, theory wrong.

5. Disney buying Marvel makes my old comic collection suddenly feel like someone poured a glass of 50 year old scotch into a neon sippy cup.

6. Somfucius say: man who is content to stand still in life is already dead. In fact, he’s a zombie. Aaaagh! Run for your life, grasshopper!!!!

7. It’s best not to have affections for too many things. Concentrate your love into convenient bite size nuggets and you won’t feel so bloated.

8. Apparently I had a bowl of philosophy flakes this morning. I guess introspection is better than the desire to attack & destroy. Okay, no.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the opportunity I just caught with my chopsticks and it… Hey! Come back here you little bastardo!

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***