After using its massive capital to employ the best brain specialists around, Google Inc. has succeeded in using its web crawling technology to search through the brain of a human subject.
The braincrawling took place on July 4, 2005 and took approximately two hours and nine minutes. The subject, Paul Genigeti, received a small incision at the base of his skull for the cranial access. Genigeti received ten stitches afterwards and was cognizant within an hour. No apparent side effects were detected.
Google had been previously unsuccessful acquiring any results from crawling the brains of laboratory rats or monkeys, as all of the results were a series of ’screech’ sounding gibberish. While Google executives were prepared to scrap the project, further studies suggested that the gibberish all followed distinct patterns. Paul, a lab intern from local Cal Tech University, then volunteered to be the first human subject.
Results from Paul’s braincrawl included detailed descriptions of his winning a blueberry pie eating contest, getting pummeled by grade school bullies, and catching his college girlfriend ‘entertaining‘ two fraternity brothers.
The results also included a snapshot of Paul’s subconscious, which ranged from a fetish for fruity mixed drinks and women’s feet, to having one-third of a mystery novel composed, to still being confused how Michael Jackson was able to avoid jail time.
Google plans to market their braincrawling technology to the general public by Fall 2006. The braincrawl plan will be priced around $5,000.00, and include all of your memories on a single DVD, or formatted into text and displayed on their blog service for public consumption. Patents pending.