1. Some days, it’s nice to revisit the past. Of course, if you got your ass kicked a lot, it’s best you stay in the present.

2. Congrats on your achievements! I’m very excited to hear that you’ve done something no one’s EVER done before.

3. Somewhere, there’s an ancient machine that measures all of the cynicism in the world. You think the machine overloads during the holidays?

4. Somfucius say: Man who is short on Facebook status updates may have a busy life. Or maybe he just didn’t feel like posting frivolous bullshit.

5. On the grand scale of Twitter trending topics, I’d rather be Tiger Woods than Michael Jackson. A scandal still beats being dead.

6. Always wait for at least 3 Subway announcements before leaving. Twice they said service was suspended. Then 2 minutes later it was fixed.

7. It’s better to be a spontaneous failure than a meticulously planned failure. At least you have some time for a beer afterwards.

8. I’m still trying to figure how the hell I tweeted like this every morning for months. Maybe it’s time to start again? Nahhhhhhhh.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by 2012, because the Mayans thought it would be funny to fuck with naive people in the future.