1. Happy Monday! I feel like I could take on the whole Empire by myself. Okay, I’m lying. I feel like I’m slowly digesting in a Sarlacc belly.

2. You know you’re off to a good start when your Norelco dies in mid-shave. Now I look like Don Johnson circa 86. Is that an improvement on me?

3. I’ve heard that having a scruffy summer beard increases the heat on your face by 15%. It also lowers your chance of getting a date by 30%.

4. It turns out that the tiny blue cleansing beads in Bath & Body Works hand soap are actually hard-boiled Smurf eggs.

5. Do your childhood cartoons really follow you for life? Will I really have the chance to fire the Wave Motion Gun when life hits rockbottom?

6. Mo’ realized gain and tax-free interest, mo’ problems.

7. I’ve heard Obama has already aged 5 years since he’s been in office. Just For Men and Oil of Olay, time to work your magic. Pimp our leader.

8. On the bright side, Obama seems to have aged much less than the kids, errr… young adults from the Harry Potter movies.

9. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by the unbearable reality of being an orchid in the desert, grasping at life. What? That’s poetry, man.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.***