1. Oh where art thou iPhone that thou forget’st so long? Sing to thy ear some electronica and give thy Twitter finger both skill and argument.

2. Today I hope to absorb nuclear energy and transform into a Super Robeast so I can get split into two by Voltron. That would make my Friday.

3. The dog next door barked for 2 hrs straight last night. If you’re a dog, at what point do you give up on barking and start destroying shit?

4. Perhaps barking dogs are just nature’s answer to disgruntled office drones who bitch about Excel spreadsheets. What? I didn’t mean you, man.

5. When Michael Jackson’s secret base is found, the remains of several Alien-hybrid clones will be found. But one stasis tube is found empty…

6. She’s a queen. She’ll breed. You’ll die. Or you may just have to suffer through 9 million MJ tribute albums, boxed sets, and missing tracks.

7. In lighter news, another NBA Draft came and went & thousands of fans will now have to wait for free agency to have any hope for their team.

8. Is Gillette really “the best a man can get”? I always assumed Selma Hayek circa 1998 was the best a man could get, but maybe I was mislead.

9. There are no atheists in the foxholes of Politically Correct Land. They prefer to be called “Children of No God”. Oh those silly atheists.

10. They say that a house divided against itself cannot stand. But if my house has the ability to divide, I’ll buy it some built-in crutches.

11. Proof the oxymoron exists in nature: a young lady looks like Alan Rickman yet is simultaneously smokin’ hot. It’s Harry Potter’s nightmare!

12. Whatever you do, DON’T go listen to my podcast! Avoid magicjunkradio.com at ALL costs! (That’s reverse psychology. Aren’t I so cleverer?)

13. Sorry I’m contractually obligated by the ashes of my wasted life for a shameless plug every 200 tweets for my creative projects. It happens.

14. My wife calls me a “wagon before the horse” guy. But I prefer to think of myself as a “cyborg horsemobile with heat-seeking missiles” guy.

15. This morning’s SomBlock is sponsored by The Elephant Man’s skeleton, because it’s so relieved to never EVER be brought up in the news again.

*** Every weekday from 8-9am while traveling from Stamford to Manhattan, Mark Sahm writes a block of thoughts on his Twitter account (@Somrod) via his iPhone.