Some weeks start like a car with a fuel leak. Moments defined as tired. Unmotivated. Frustrated. You want to milk the ‘Oh, it’s just Monday’ cliché, but when the shit carries into Tuesday, then you know it’s more than that.
When I was a younger man (read: 18-22), I’d complain quite often of the things that plagued me on a daily basis. Eventually, I came to the mind that I either start working on fixes and escapes to my problems, or I should shut the fuck up.
For example, I dislike my current job’s inability for promotion, because I am the only artist in my division. Everyone above me is either management or executives, a leap that I won’t be making anytime this century. After six years of working here, this is an issue I can no longer accept. So I knew that an escape was due. After I got married in November, I set a goal for myself to have a new job by January 31.
Since I’m talking about this in mid-March, things obviously did not work out as planned. Despite sending out hundreds of cover letters, resumes and calling job agencies, my next career path has not materialized.
Nothing is more frustrating than knowing you cannot stand your job anymore, so you actively try to get out but fail to. I reworked my resume, created a whole new portfolio, and still nothing. It can drive a person crazy, as I’m sure it has for many. It leaves people to seek relief from either Ben & Jerry or Jimmy Beam—whatever poison they prefer.
But I refuse to give up on this. I must make my hope indestructible, or pretty damn close… that no matter how much adversary keeps emerging, it will not falter, that if a nuclear bomb of despair explodes, it will not die.
That was when the metaphor hit me. I came to realize that my hope must be a cockroach. Yes, you read that correctly. You see, if you didn’t already know, the cockroach is one of the toughest creatures in the world. It can:
• Live for a month without food
• Remain alive for up to a week without a head
• Hold its breath for 45 minutes
• And of course, cockroaches can tolerate up to 67,500 rems of radiation before dying, which is equivalent to that of a thermonuclear explosion. For comparison’s sake, a lethal dose for a human is around 800 rems.
The greater truth to my metaphor is that our hope in reality is an ugly thing. It builds us up on momentary highs, only to let us down again and again. Many people have rid themselves of hope, because the yo-yo process it presents has become too much to bear. This is not the way to go. Being comfortably numb should not be an option.
Thus, I will continue to hope for a better life, even if it never comes, even if it kills me. Do what you have to do to survive. Otherwise, what are you living for? Peace… and good luck.
Beth Says:
March 25th, 2006 at 9:18 amVisit Beth
By the way it is “JIM” Beam. You must of been thinking of the sausage guy. As far as the job searching, on average to find employment one considers better than their present job it can take up to 16-18 weeks. Your just at 12. Keep at it. Remember I find convicted felons employment everyday-I know what I am taking about.
M. Sahm Says:
March 26th, 2006 at 2:37 pmVisit M. Sahm
Actually, “Jimmy” Beam was an intentional word play off of Ben & Jerry. You know, like sinister bug and big sister.
Beth Says:
March 27th, 2006 at 8:17 pmVisit Beth
With “word play” you mean funny, right? I guess that is why I did not get it.
Darren Says:
March 30th, 2006 at 5:24 amVisit Darren
Whatever you do, stay away from the alcohol. With the kind of frustrations you’re experiencing, a glass or 4 of wine or whiskey is the last thing you should be thinking of.
Can you picture you’re ideal job and what you would like to do with your days, or are you stuck with ‘another job but not this one?’ What if the next job becomes just like your current one after twelve months? This is what kept happening to me. Things were fine in the new job for a year, and then it became the old job, with all the old frustrations.
M. Sahm Says:
March 30th, 2006 at 11:08 amVisit M. Sahm
Beth, I’m sorry to hear that you mistook a literary device for humor. Management will gladly refund your pageview.
Darren, you are spot on with the next job becoming the same bullshit in a year. But the advantage in someplace else is that (a) there’d be a higher salary and (b) I’d have the opportunity to get promoted — two things currently dragging me down at my present job.
And fear not, I gave up whiskey and all hard liquor in ‘98 and aside from a celebratory shot for someone’s birthday or wedding, I haven’t touched it since. Sorry Jim.